Dr Carlisle Cullen's Amazing Traveling Freak Show
by RobIsMyBabyDaddy
Summary: Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to see the greatest freak show on earth! Witness The Strong Man of TN, The Shortest Fortune Teller in the World, Rosie the Bearded Lady, the scarred and tattooed Devil's Reject and Edward, the flipper-armed musician!
1. Chapter 1

"Five minutes!" Carlisle banged on the door and continued on to the next trailer. "Get dressed, get ready, and move your asses!"

Edward groaned. _I'm so sick of this fucking town_, he thought. For a brief second, he wished there was something else he could do instead of working for the carnival. A part of him cursed his mother for taking Thalidomide in the 1970's. He would have had a very different life than the one he was living right now if he hadn't been born with birth defects. Having flippers for arms definitely changed his life, and not for the better. He'd never had a girlfriend, never driven a car, and most jobs were out of reach for him, literally. Of course he was well equipped with amazingly dexterous feet, but no one outside of the freak world would give him the time of day.

In the next moment, he pushed the thought from his mind. _I'm lucky to have a steady job_, he scolded himself. _I should be thankful for my family_.

After his mother's suicide and his father's disappearance, the state had put him in an orphanage. There he had waited for years, suffering the indignity of pity and silent mockery from each of the families who toured the facility. Edward had felt like a three-legged, blind dog; nobody ever wanted to take him home. Then one day, Carlisle had walked in. Carlisle immediately adopted him and introduced him to the world of the carnival.

At first it had been an exciting adventure—new cities every week, applause from the crowds and money from every show. Eventually, Edward realized that people weren't smiling at him out of friendliness or because he was famous; they were laughing at him instead. For a period in his teens, he turned sullen and depressed, until Carlisle threatened to remove him from the act. If Edward would rather sell tickets outside and deal with the aggressive, drunk jerks on the midway, then he could. If it made him feel better about himself than being in the spotlight, so be it. It was only then that Edward realized how the freak show gave him a safe place to both hide and shine. It was a place where he fit in with the other misfits, and people paid to see his misshapen body. It didn't matter if they were making fun of him, or whispering to each other about his appearance, or even just curious. Edward didn't care what some random stranger thought of him, as long as his family loved him.

Still, even now that he'd made peace with his life, he longed for a change. The endless travel and nameless faces wore down on him. Loneliness, too. Everyone else had a partner to share their time with except for Edward.

_I wish I had a woman to love who would love me back_.

Edward sighed and grabbed his bow tie between his toes. He held it above his head and ducked underneath, closing it in the front using both feet. Then he stood and walked to the door. His harmonica was wired into a little contraption that rested over his shoulders so he could blow into it while playing the piano. Every time a show ended, he would enter his trailer and hook the back of it on a nail sticking out near the door. It was easier to put on and take off this way. With his instrument in place, he pushed open the door and stepped outside.

Emmett leaned against the adjacent trailer, pulling a wife beater tank top over his head. His muscles flexed as he moved, and his thick veins stuck out from his arms.

Edward studied him. Emmett had been drinking too much beer lately and was starting to develop a gut over his bulging muscles. Still, he certainly lived up to his title of Strong Man of Tennessee.

"Eddie," Emmett nodded at him.

Rosalie, his wife, opened the trailer door. She adjusted the patch of facial hair over her jaw and scowled when the adhesive needed an extra push to stay on her face. She stomped over to her husband. "Let's get this shit over with. God, it's so degrading. Isn't there something else I can do? Like be the most beautiful woman in the world?"

"No can do, babe," Emmett pinched her ass. "Gotta draw in the crowd. Nobody likes pretty in a freak show."

Five years ago, Rosalie had fallen in love with Emmett at the group's stop in Knoxville. She'd visited the show every night for a week like a groupie, and rather than saying goodbye when the caravan of trailers pulled out of town, she had left her life to join Dr. Carlisle Cullen's Amazing Traveling Freak Show. At first she had been a carnie at one of the games, but she'd hated being separated from Emmett and all the obnoxious guys on the midway. Being born beautiful worked against her in this line of work, so she had to invent something wrong with her to fit in with the rest of the group. She'd ordered a fake beard and mustache from a special effects website and had been Rosie the Bearded Lady ever since.

Carlisle appeared and pulled on his top hat. "You guys ready? Where's Alice and Jasper?"

"Jazz better not be high again. During that last show he started to hallucinate and nearly punched that kid in the front row."

"I don't know what his problem is lately," Emmett agreed. "He acts like his scars don't bother him, like he's invincible, but that bastard gets crazier every year. One of these days he's gonna snap and you better hope it's not during one of the shows. You're gonna have a lawsuit on your hands, Carlisle, if he hurts somebody."

Carlisle pretended not to hear him. He cupped his hand in front of his mouth and screamed, "Alice!! Jasper! Get out here. You're on in two minutes!"

Alice's high pitched voice tinkled like bells from the last trailer. "Coming, Carlisle!" The door burst open and she leapt from the top step. She wore a long multi-colored skirt and a bright red turban. The latter was her idea. Alice thought it would help with her image as the Shortest Fortune Teller in the World.

She pulled a clove cigarette from her pocket and patted her sides for a lighter. "Dammit. Where's my light?"

"Here," a gruff drawl came from the trailer door. Jasper rubbed his eyes before tossing her a book of matches. The lanky man wore only faded jeans that hung off his hips. A network of scars and tattoos covered his skin, including a large burn on his right cheek and a fiery skull inked on the side of his neck. His eyes were all-white except for a thin red slit in the middle. "These contacts burn like hell."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't wear them. You look freaky enough already." Edward rolled his eyes at Jasper. Why the man went to extremes to accentuate his disfigurements made no sense to him. Every few weeks Jasper seemed to add enough injury or tattoo, and it only made him appear even more frightening. _Maybe_, Edward thought, _it was his way to shield the world from him, to protect himself from the judgment of people. Well,_ he sighed. _Jasper shouldn't have joined a carnival freak show if he didn't want to be judged._

"Alright everyone," Carlisle said as he clapped his hands. "It's showtime."


	2. Chapter 2

Edward pushed out the piano bench slightly and cracked the knuckles of his toes. In addition to being Eddie the Flipper-Armed Man, he was also the resident musician. He played piano with his feet and blew the harmonica as the other members of his "family" worked the crowd and displayed their talents. Times were tight, and in order to stay afloat economically, rather than hire more talent in the show, they each had to multitask. In addition to playing swami, Alice booked their travel arrangements and designed everyone's wardrobes. Emmett was the security guard. Rosalie did publicity and prepared the food. Carlisle handled the money and served as barker and ringleader. His wife Esme, a three foot midget with a wooden leg, juggled and sang in between the acts.

Emmett took his place behind the curtain. Everyone sat in a row of chairs off to the side until it was their time to perform. Edward could hear him talking to Rosalie.

"So what's Jasper's moniker these days? Is he still 'Beelzebub's Burned Bitch'? No, wait, is it Tattooed Tommy? I can't keep track. Why can't he pick one fucking name and stick with it?"

"He's been The Devil's Reject since Seattle. I think this name's going to stick. He certainly acts like a reject."

"Rosie, be nice. He's had a fucked up life."

"Maybe if he laid off the drugs and stopped hurting himself it wouldn't seem so bad. And those damn fake eyes freak me the fuck out."

Rosalie used to like the carnival life with Emmett, but lately it just wasn't the same. People seemed meaner, and they all had to work harder to earn less money. Plus, wearing facial hair every day really hurt her self esteem. While she wouldn't trade her life with Emmett, she did wish that she would finally get pregnant so they could leave the carnival circuit and settle down. She wanted to start her own family and just be regular people with regular lives. Doing burlesque in a fake beard in a muddy field was not where Rosalie hoped to end up as a twenty-five year old.

"Everybody ready?" Esme limped into the tent. She wore short pink daisy duke shorts to show off her leg and carried three small bowling pins in her hands. "Carlisle's got a crowd ready."

Rosalie groaned from the other side of the curtain. "I can't wait to leave this shitty town. Between the rain and the humidity, my hair is a frizzy mess. And if one more guy asks to see my grizzly bush I'm going to stab somebody in the throat. How many more days do we have left in Forks?"

"Three," Alice answered. She whispered to Jasper and pulled him with her behind the stage.

Alice started the show with predictions and card tricks, but Jasper was the main attraction. He used to swallow swords until an accident in Phoenix nearly severed his vocal chords. A fire breathing mishap followed, burning his face and his prized gold lamé jacket. These days he centered his act around horrific displays of self mutilation and contorting his body like a cheaper version of Jim Rose's Circus. The grand finale was a bloody mess of nipple weights, six inch spikes through the skin on his back and horking up bits of broken glass. Most of the crowd left the show in tears or disgust, but Carlisle never gave anyone a refund. They wanted a show and they got one.

"Alright then," Esme urged everyone to take their places. "Start playing, Edward and I'll lead 'em in."

Edward banged out a jaunty version of "Send In the Clowns" with his toes as Esme pulled back the front door flap. A line of people filed in and sat in the rows of folding chairs in front of the stage. Only half of the seats were occupied when Carlisle started to close the tent flap. A man and woman tumbled in at the last moment. The dark skinned man with long black hair hushed the woman. She frowned at the scene in front of her and turned to leave. He pulled her back, paying Carlisle's outstretched hand and tugging her into one of the back seats.

"Bella, just relax. I wanna see this show," the man whispered.

"Jacob, why are we here? These things are offensive and I want to leave. It's not right to make fun of people like this."

"It's not like we're poking 'em with a stick. They're earning a living. I think working in a carnival would be awesome."

A giant man in the front twisted his head toward the back. "Shhhh!" he hissed.

"Sure, sure," Jacob said, waving an apology and pretending to turn a key in front of his closed lips.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and sunk down in her chair.

Edward craned his neck to see the woman's face, but a curtain of brown hair covered her from his gaze. Something about her drew his attention, but he tried to focus on his role in the show instead.

Carlisle stepped toward the front and leapt on stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Dr. Carlisle Cullen's Amazing Traveling Freak Show! I have gathered some spellbinding acts for you today to shock and amaze you, to fill you with awe and fear! This evening you will witness spectacular feats of superhuman strength, the exotic dance of a hirsute beauty, the limits of physical pain and the giant melodies of a tiny woman. But before we bring out our first performer, give a warm round of applause to Eddie the Amazing Flipper-Armed Man! He can play better with his feet than pianists with twelve fingers!" Carlisle pointed to Edward, smiling as his toes danced across the keys.

The audience clapped half-heartedly. Jacob grinned widely from the back and hooted enthusiastically.

Bella rolled her eyes and sunk even lower in the folding chair.

"First up is a woman with magnificent powers! She can not only read minds, communicate with the dead, but also foresee the future! Let's welcome Alice, The Shortest Fortune Teller in the World!"

Carlisle jumped to the side as Alice appeared on the stage in a poof of sparkly smoke. She'd perfected the combination of baby powder, flour and glitter the previous year, even though it did get stuck in her nose after three shows a night.

"The universe speaks to me, imparting me with wisdom of the future! I will give you grand predictions of what will come to pass. What? What is that, spirits?" Alice raised both of her arms to the ceiling. "What is your message? Oh, ladies and gentlemen, tonight the spirits are calling forth, urging me to contact someone in this room. They have an important message that must be shared before it is too late." She closed her eyes and tried to think of something believable to say. "Is there anyone in the audience with a name that starts with a J? I'm hearing a spirit asking for someone…Ja…Jac…Jeh….?" Alice prompted the audience, hoping for a sucker to speak up.

"Oh, my name starts with a J!" Jacob sat up straighter.

"What is your name, sir?"

"Jacob!" He stared at Alice, excited that she picked him to participate.

"Jacob…Jacob, yes that's right. I hear a dire warning for you, Jacob. The spirits are telling me that you should be careful with your money. You will lose a great deal of money because…let me see here…because of car trouble. Does any of this make sense to you?"

"Um, maybe," Jacob squinted as he thought. "I just fixed my car and she's running okay at the moment."

"The spirits must be telling me the recent past then. Oh, great ghosts, what is your message for Jacob?" Alice swayed on the stage, scrunching her face up in concentration. _Fuck_, she thought, _why didn't I say love problems instead of money?_ "They are saying to stay away from alcohol tonight. An accident will befall you if you drink and drive." _Jesus, how lame_, she scoffed. _I should just stick to the card tricks_.

"Okay," Jacob frowned. "I guess I won't buy that beer after all."

Bella snorted in response.

"Wait!" Alice slapped her forehead. "Wait, there is another message." She bent at the waist, moaning lightly. "You there, in the back next to Jacob," she shouted, pinching her eyes shut.

Bella's scowled, blushing a bright red at the crowd's attention.

"You will meet a mysterious stranger! Don't be hasty, foolish girl!! Appearances can be deceiving, but you may find love if you look past the surface."

With that, Alice fainted and dropped to the ground.


End file.
